I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
