He felt like a one man threesome
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
