just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
