Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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