he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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