I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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