think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The struggles of a small town man whore
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
