i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
