I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
