He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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