Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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