my shit smells like andre
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
