so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You took a bar mat shot.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
