He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
no you cant smoke seaweed
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Randomize
