and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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