I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
