Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
