did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
