I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
