I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I came so hard my ears popped.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
