How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
