He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
This is classic penis vs brain.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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