I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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