You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
