This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
