And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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