There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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