I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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