i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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