I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
