I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
