I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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