A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
