Already got asked if we're dating
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
