4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
