he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
it's like heaven, but drunker
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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