dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
