are you so shy because you have an std?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
