You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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