It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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