I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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