I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
