the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
