I want to have your abortion
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
