Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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