I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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