By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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