omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
