I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
