oh god the rape fog is back!
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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