you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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